Woot!!!!

I feel successful. That is a wonderful feeling!! I should do a brief run-down of why it is so wonderful to complete something...
In my last post, I said that I was going to go to the doc at the end of the month for a physical and a meds check. Well, my mental and emotional health just tanked in the last couple of weeks. I felt hopeless, exhausted, like it was all I could do to get through the work day. I was pointless at home and our apartment looks like a tornado came through. So. I called and got in an 8am appointment with my doc. Apparently, my symptoms perfectly fit Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I had slid into a major depressive episode. Ah ha!! That fits PERFECTLY!!! So we switched my meds from Paxil (which I don't think worked well...) to Prozac. I waited around for the pharmacy to open and I swear I could feel the difference by that afternoon. Fingers crossed that this will work out well. The only real downside, though I have no medical statements for or against my theory, is that I may be going through withdrawals from the Paxil. While the recommendation from the doc was to not taper and just switch, from what I've read on various forums and sites, coming off of the Paxil can be really hard. I think my crazy dreams (so vivid, so intense, so unsettling), the rolling tingling and dizziness and lightheadedness, and the messed up sleeping may be due to coming off of that med. I'm hoping that this will pass quickly. On several forums, people wrote that exercising really helped with the dizziness. Apparently, that was the last encouragement I needed, and today I actually did it.
I made it to the Y!!
I got off my butt, into my gym clothes, and onto a bike. I rode the bike for an HOUR. I didn't push hard, as I haven't been very active in awhile. But I was steady!! And I increased the resistance.  Then I did the arm bike for a while and played with resistance until my arms were shaking (not hard, my upper body strength sucks).

While working out, I was able to watch the weather changing. Amazing views, of sunshine, then snow, then a bank of snow clouds coming in from Bremerton-area.

Beautiful!

 I was hoping that the workout would help the dizziness... Instead, I think it made things worse. But I am pushing through and enjoying the "natural antidepressants" that endorphins give you. Chris and I are going to go out to dinner for a Date Night, and then we will start packing.

Did I mention the exciting news? We have found an apartment, in Keyport, for less than we are paying now, with 200 more square feet and a fireplace. Our applications are in and *fingers crossed* we should hear soon about it. So I am starting to pack. Really, I'm starting to get rid of recycling and trash and crap that I've held onto for too long.
 Anyway, time to go to dinner with my man!!

Let's try this again!

It's only been a few months since my last post. That's about the last time I really did much towards health/weight loss. School started, and I've been sick. A lot. Not the drippy nose kind, but the crazy painful sinuses kind, and the exhaustion kind, and the stomach flu kind... And had a cough and nausea and lots of headaches. And did I mention the exhaustion? It was like I couldn't win. Cognitively, I wanted to go to the gym. Physically, I needed to go to the gym, but I just couldn't get there. I had also changed medication for my depression/anxiety, and the new stuff really isn't cutting it. I don't give a crap. About much at all. And I feel super ADD. Am so distractable and unfocused! And forgetful. Very forgetful. So I've sat.

After getting sick so much, I decided that it was past time to do SOMETHING. When the allergy office called about me not coming and getting my shots (can't get them when you're sick... I've been sick repeatedly), I said I was going to put it on hold since I haven't been healthy for more than a week and a half at a time since July. They pointed out that the Doc is also an immunologist. Ahhhhhh. Good point. So I made an appointment. I now have $85 in new meds and a followup appointment after I get some bloodwork done. Just have to get into the lab after 1 and before they close, so that a certain test that has to be done on live cells can be done... I still hate needles, so I'm working on getting up the nerve and the energy and the motivation to get to the lab. And did I mention that it's hard to give a crap about anything? Fun times. I've also made an appointment (finally....) to get a physical and do a meds review. Probably need to change to a different one... That actually works? That would be nice. I've been really "ah, what the hell" for the last couple months. Not so helpful...

So that brings me to the new year, starting out on a track that might (oh please???) lead to more energy, less illness, and more motivation to do... anything. I have wonderful and supportive friends who have offered to make standing dates at the Y to help me get there. I have 2 great docs who are working on trying to help me figure out what is going on. I have a mom who is as frustrated as I am about me being sick and tired all the time. I have a boyfriend who doesn't know what to do to help, but wants me to feel better. And I have me. I am smart and capable. I can navigate these obstacles, maybe take a nap when I get home and then go to the gym, and get through this crappy time. Oh, and get all my paperwork done in time... No stress!! While our apartment complex goes through the foreclosure process and Chris and I adjust to his working the night shift. Anyway, enough venting. I need to sleep and get through this cold so that I can make plans and implement them to make good lifestyle changes. And to get my butt to the lab... :) I hate getting blood drawn. Thank you if you read this much. You are important to me and I appreciate your support!!!

I need to remember....

...how much better I feel when I work out. Even when I'm super tired (like today), super stressed (like today), and super grumpy (like today), even just 20 minutes on the bike and/or eliptical makes life incredibly more possible!! I dragged my butt down to the gym and did the bike and then a little but on the eliptical (mostly because I wanted to watch some tv... but all I saw were commercials!! On EVERY CHANNEL), and now I feel like things aren't bad at all and that going back to work will be fine. And that I can face making dinner for a grumpy boyfriend. And possibly even clean out the catbox. I mean... if that isn't magic, then I don't know what is!! I DO know that I need more tank tops that aren't super tight so that I don't overheat and die while exercising, and I need some sweat rags... stupid side effect of a medication that I'm on makes me sweat at the drop of a hat... and my face is DRIPPING right now... SO not attractive!! Add those to my shopping list... for later. I'm DONE for the night! Time to shower. But I'm excited that I have reminded myself of this. Now, to get in my habit. Time to pack the gym bag for the car. A bigger bag to keep in there, and a smaller one (or two) to carry in with me. One for "land"based activities, and another for when I want to get in the water. That way, I can go STRAIGHT to the gym after work and have whatever I need!!! Oh, that means I need another sports bra, so I can always have a clean one... Add that to the list, if anyone's keeping track!! Can't have the girls knocking me out or taking over the world!!

I wonder if going to bed at 7pm is too early... Am pretty sure that some extra sleep this week will be appreciated by everyone who is stuck in meetings with me!! I get a little strangER when I'm tired... :)

The End of Summer???

How can the summer be ending? I never got into a routine at the Y. I am not super flexible from getting really into yoga. I am not buff and toned from lifting tons of weights. I am squishy and pale and not in a routine at all... but my knee is almost healed and the scar shouldn't be AWFUL... thanks to copious applications of shea and cocoa butters. I attempted yoga today... it was hot, my balance (what little I had) is GONE after 5 weeks of healing, and my right foot started aching and burning halfway through. Not my finest hour... I'm hoping it's just lack of practice and something out of alignment in my foot and not early onset arthritis. Whatever it was, it hurt. I sat for the last part and visualized the movements... I also had to modify a bunch because I can't kneel. I can barely kneel on my right leg, and not at all on my left! Child's pose was funny looking, with legs all splayed out and knees NOT on the floor... But I made it. And parts of me are sore already! I need to do this more often.

I want to go on my way home from work at least 3 days a week... If I just go straight to the gym, then I should be able to get something in before going home. I know I'll just want to sit when I get home, so I can't go home until after I work out!! Now, if only I can stick to that... No more 5 week lapses with minimal activity. It does bad things for everything. Even if I'm healing.

I'm looking forward to getting back in the pool, though I don't really like the Y's water classes... so I'm going to try to get into lap swimming. At least a little bit, and then some treading water and doing my own water aerobics movement stuff. But I want to wait until my knee is "fully approximated", i.e., closed all the way. I'm almost there. Just a small circle in the middle that is just a scab and not new skin yet. Once that is closed, then I won't feel like I have an open sore and am open to infections and other ickiness in a very communal pool!

My goals: get balance back... and better!! Increase endurance. Feel more confident. Get to the Y regularly!! :)

Wooo!

My knee is healing, albeit slowly... I took such a deep chunk out of part of my knee that it will take a few weeks to heal from the inside... Which means that the new skin is tender and too much stress on it makes my leg HURT. Like shooting pains up and down my leg hurt... That definitely makes me scared about doing too much too soon. Running around after Keiler and Emery created major pain. So I've been nervous about getting back to the YMCA to even do gentle stuff, like the eliptical or bike. I wanted to go on Sunday, but had some sort of stomach bug that made me feel absolutely icky!! So that was not going to happen. But. Bless Katie Sprague! Monday she messages me about meeting her at the Y to brave the cardio equipment. Perfection! It's the kind of great timing that you can't pass up. So I agreed. And just hoped that nothing would happen to derail those plans.
And I made it!! My goal was 20-25 minutes on the recumbant bike. Well. I did 37 minutes!! Katie and I just chatted away and sweated away and worked out for 37 minutes!! I'm excited. I feel fantastic, my knee doesn't hurt, and I have a new plan for my summer!! I had hoped to do lots of yoga this summer, but with not being able to kneel, that's not an option. :-(  So I'm going to try to go nearly every day and do at least half an hour on the bike or eliptical. :-) and probably do my weight room orientation. I like lifting weights, when I can make myself do it, so I want to get to know how to use all that cool stuff!!! Wish me luck!!

Wow, it's been awhile... *warning. Icky pictures in this post!*

It's been nearly a month since I last posted... Lots has happened!! I worked out a few times, survived the Fourth in Keyport (Was SOOOOO Tired, but it was a great time!), worked ESY (definitely a workout in and of itself...), did Yoga with Shanna, which was great!!, and went to Hawaii.

Unfortunately for my developing routine, I fell in a lava tube in Hawaii and tore up my knee pretty well....

 

Was patched up by Rangers at the Volcano Park, and then went to a small-town ER.

 

A whole 4 bed ER with wonderful nurses and a doctor originally from Texas.

 

  I got numbed up,

 cleaned up, 

 

and patched up. Was given antibiotics and pain meds, and told to NOT go in the ocean. I felt like I had steak tartar for a knee, and would not like to tempt any nearby sharks with my lovely knee.

 

I slowly and painfully healed somewhat, and after a trip to the local health clinic, my wound was deemed "Beautiful!" and I was allowed to go in the ocean on my last day!! As long as I kept taking my antibiotics and kept it clean. I was definitely ok with that, and the swim was wonderful!!!! Even if my knee looked icky at the end of each day of walking around... I had new bandages and ointment and it is healing from the inside out.

Unfortunately, though, kneeling is OUT of the question for awhile. And I shudder to think of what pool water will feel like on it... I baths and showers aren't comfortable at all right now, as my nerves are still pretty raw and confused. So I think I will be riding the recumbant bike at the gym and hopefully getting Chris to walk with me outside. The major irritants (for me) are done blooming, so I should be ok walking in the great outdoors. I have to be careful to not push it too much, though. At Marja's wedding yesterday, I did a lot of Twin Wrangling with the boys. And today I am paying for it with aching and burning in my knee that is radiating. Too much pulling on new tissue. Not fun at all. I need to make a doctor's appointment for myself to make sure it's healing well and to follow up on my CPAP and allergy stuff. For now, the plan of care is  Ibuprofin, antibiotics, lots of yogurt, and trying to stay off my leg. Setbacks suck. But I've got lettuce in the fridge. A nice salad with strawberries on it sounds really good right now...
 

Damnit... Slippage!!!

After that stellar evening, I felt pretty darn good! I could even walk the next day. I can't do the evening classes on Tuesdays because I have my fabulous Mary Kay Meeting. So that was already planned for. What wasn't in the plan was where I was in my cycle. I thought it would be just fine and I would go back on Wednesday.... However, I started PMSing hard core. And I mean MAJORLY. My attitude came out like none other. "No, I don't actually want to make you a sandwich. You are welcome to make yourself one. I don't particularly care that I was just in the kitchen. I don't plan on making you a fricken sandwich"... (he made eggo waffles in the toaster.... and didn't bring it up again that day). And my attitude was directed at myself, as well. Granted, in addition to the bitchiness, I was also nauseas and a little dizzy... Not great combos. So I attiduded myself out of going to the gym on Wednesday... Ahhh, derailments. How easily you are to slide in!!!!
Thursday we set up for ESY (gotta love when the HeadStart teacher doesn't show for 3.5 hours....) and then I had errands to run... Had forgotten my epi pen, too, so I couldn't get an allergy shot that morning... It wasn't my day. And it was That Time of the Month, so I didn't really feel like getting in the pool... Further sliding off the track I'd been on for one whole evening! Friday was Friday, of course! And Chris and I went to the park and played ladderball. Which was something, but it wasn't a hard workout... And then today. I was planning on doing Gentle Yoga with mom at 5. No prob. A little apprehensive, as I've never taken a real yoga class, but it's for beginners, so I think I can do it. Problem? I went to the park to read and get some sun... and did a little Hawaii shopping... And lost track of time. Also forgot to drink water. Did you know that not drinking water and reading in the sunshine on a hot day makes you feel EXTRA crappy when you're on your period? Um... it DOES! So I bailed on that, when I finally realized it was 445 and I was still out and about, slick with sunscreen, and lightheaded with dehydration. I would not have held any pose other than corpse very well.... Then, to further crap out of anything healthy, I played Call of Duty: Black Ops for nearly 5 hours... Major slippage, here!!!
But tomorrow is a new day. The 3rd of July, which means set up for the breakfast and Fireworks on the Fjord. I plan on getting to the Y and maybe doing the elliptical for 25 mins? Or, if there are open lanes, swimming a few laps in addition to something else... And then making a cool whip cheese cake, doing Keyport stuff, and getting the rest of my stuff together for ESY... Time to get back on track, back on the wagon, back to the gym. Every part of me will thank me for it!!!!!